Friday, April 29, 2011

It's Time to Pay the Piper

All that Go Kart fun doesn’t come without a price. Auggie’s over here, and guess what else he’s used to that Phartacus and Slappy aren’t? Constant parental attention. He’s been here 53 minutes and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard him say, “Let’s go tell your mom!" Really, Auggie? You seem to be unclear on the concept of playdate, darling. I know you’re young yet and uncorrupted by teenage misanthropy and zits, but it’s never too soon to learn that you’re going to want to tell your mom as little as possible about your doings, unless eyeballs are bleeding or pipes are bursting or she specifically asks what happened to the basement rug while wearing an expression that suggests now is the time to pony up unless you want Bad Things to happen. It’s like this: If you’ve got a handful of caterpillars and you’re wondering if I want to see them, the answer is no. If your mom thinks it’s adorable when you repeatedly quote the DVD she bought you for doing your math homework and you feel like I might be equally enchanted, I won’t be. If you think I want to hear the detailed plans of the tree house your dad is going to have built for your Memorial Day Weekend present, you are so very wrong. That, my dear boy, is a conversation for The Mister. In fact, I might just keep you around as a welcome home present tonight for my husband, who’s had a hard week of hotel living and expensed white-napkin dinners while I kept his children alive. TGIF, Mister! I’ll be in the bathroom with gin.

4 comments:

  1. Oh, I feel ya! Those kids used to so much parental involvement are a real cross to bear for us who teach our children to entertain themselves even providing siblings for crying out loud. I hope Auggie's gone now. You enjoy your gin, Miss Patsy! I need to go get some of that tonic water you buy. I know the difference now.

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  2. Nope, still here. But it's five o'clock, so I sent them outside with the bug zapper and am squeezing a lime into a nice fizzy bowl of loudmouth soup.

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  3. We bought our 3 & 5 year old a computer for winter present time and they are so wonderfully self-reliant with it. It's a lovely thing when they can do their own thing.

    xoxo

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  4. Fabulous post. Everyone should be self-sufficient. My kids wan me to smell their armpits to make sure they cleaned well enough after a bath. Never once have I agreed to this, yet persist they do.

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